Dating, How To Date in Denmark, Stories about life in Denmark

Dating Danish Men: A guide for the foreign woman

I saw a movie this week. It was the latest in long-running series called Father of Four. The series has been running since the Fifties. As the kids grow up, they just replace them with new actors.

Anyway, in this episode, there was a romance. The oldest sister, who’s about 20, meets a handsome young man with a guitar. What struck me watching the movie was that the male romantic lead was visibly shorter than the female lead. I’d say at least a couple of centimeters shorter, maybe an inch.

Now, in Hollywood, they’d have that guy standing on a box, to look taller, or have the actress standing in a hole, to look shorter. In the Danish film, there was no attempt to hide it. They had them walk side by side through a meadow. I had to admit, I couldn’t focus on the love scene. I kept thinking. He’s really short, or maybe she’s really tall.

Not the dominant figure
In Hollywood – or Bollywood – movies, the male actor is taller because he’s supposed to be in charge, the dominant figure. But that’s not true in Danish romance. The man is NOT in charge.

This means a lot if you’re a foreign woman dating a Danish man. He is a not a Frenchman who will pursue you to the ends of the earth. He doesn’t send flowers, he doesn’t buy chocolates. He doesn’t take you in his arms and kiss you until you’re breathless. If you are a romance novelist, the Danish man is not your dream man.

If you’re a feminist, a Danish man IS your dream man. He will cook and help with the housework. He will take being a father seriously. He’ll spend time with the kids. He’ll take your opinion seriously. He doesn’t force himself on you. In fact, you may have to force yourself on him. But if you do, he’ll usually be really grateful.

Danish women carry their own packages
Why are Danish men like this? I’ve asked my Danish male friends, and they say they’re reacting to Danish women. Danish women, they say, like to do things for themselves. They don’t want some clown opening the door for them, or helping them carry packages. They can carry their own packages. My Danish male friends say that after offering to be chivalrous a couple of times and getting turned down in a nasty manner, they don’t want to do that any more.

So, the Danish male approach is largely passive. They wait to see if the woman is interested. I get a lot of mail from non-Danish women trying to figure out if the Danish man they’re dating is interested in them. He’s really happy when I call him, but he never calls me.

I honestly don’t know what to tell them. I mean, I come from a culture where men whistle at beautiful women they don’t know walking down the street.

When I first moved to Denmark, I thought I’d stopped hearing whistles because I’d aged out of the whistle target group. But I’ve since established that beautiful young women don’t get whistled at either. Danish men do not want to offend women.

Sometimes err on the soft side
Now, I’m a modern woman, and I like a lot of things about these modern men. But they can occasionally err a bit on the soft side.

For example, a few weeks ago, we had a big storm in Denmark, and it knocked down some large trees. Before the local government came to collect them, some people were sawing off bits for free firewood, or to make furniture, or other arts and crafts project.

On our street, there was a very large tree down, and as I was walking by that Saturday, I saw a young couple trying to take part of it home. The small, slender young woman was sawing away at this big tree with an old-fashioned manual saw, while her boyfriend was just standing there, smiling, with his hands in his pockets.

Now, I don’t know what was going on.

Maybe he had a back injury – he was about 25, so maybe had a very youthful back injury. Maybe he was a professional hand model and couldn’t risk his fingernails on a messy metal saw. Or maybe he was a big wimp who was willing to let his girlfriend saw a giant tree stump while he stood there, acting like a giant tree stump. Who knows?

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  • Avatar
    Reply Jo February 18, 2014 at 3:42 pm

    Love you article ! 🙂 and it is so true….

  • Avatar
    Reply Mirna Ordoñez Ditlevsen February 18, 2014 at 10:19 pm

    I can not agree more with your article. It is so true. But I keep thinking….. A bit of gentleman training will not harm the Danish man. We are so close to be us sending the flowers. I feel the cultural difference here….. Not asking much but a bit of romance from time to time will not kill them

  • Avatar
    Reply Ann February 19, 2014 at 9:29 am

    Re: the non-sawing young dude… they probably only had one saw, but more importantly – and this ties in with the feminism – the young woman probably wanted to saw.
    I am a young danish woman, and I take pride in my “manly” skills with tools, so if it was me I would most likely want to saw at least some of the time – it’s kind of the point, that I can saw just as well as a guy. Then when i get tired – I would love for my boyfriend to help out.

    • Avatar
      Reply SCHWEINRICH October 21, 2014 at 2:21 pm

      Yup, being a danish guy I would say that is the most likely. You might even have to tread very lightly, if you want to ask a girl if she wants help for a “masculine” task.

    • Avatar
      Reply Paul July 24, 2015 at 11:50 pm

      Most guys would be a fair bit stronger than you, so able to saw through it quicker.

    • Avatar
      Reply Lithuanian woman March 8, 2016 at 2:35 pm

      Totally 🙂 I constantly fight with my danish husband for the ‘manly’ tasks, because I find them so much fun. But I also ask for help in carrying grocery bags and so on.

      • Avatar
        Reply P.J. Andros January 23, 2019 at 8:07 pm

        Married people are all delusional, playing married (family) life with smoke and mirrors. Being married is a job. And mostly a tedious one at that after the magic of sex has dissipated.

        • Avatar
          Reply Teddy J December 17, 2019 at 5:46 pm

          Damn Andros, who hurt you?

  • Avatar
    Reply Alexander February 19, 2014 at 12:30 pm

    I wouldn’t say that Denmark is a haven for feminists,
    and that all of us are passive.
    But I do agree that somewhere along the lines, the traditional gender roles were washed out and replaced by something a bit more homogenous.
    I firmly believe that honking your horn at women, grabbing asses and whistling at women you find sexually attractive has more to do with respect, or rather a lack of respect, than masculinity.
    I take pride in waiting for the right cues, and never jumping the gun – but once those cues are there, I believe that I (perhaps that goes for most) is far from passive.

    • Avatar
      Reply Alexander February 19, 2014 at 12:30 pm

      We love our mothers, we love women and if chivalry’s anywhere – it’s in the Kingdom of Denmark.

  • Avatar
    Reply kramer February 20, 2014 at 4:33 pm

    No, the guy did not have a back-injury. His girlfriend is just a pig-headed “I’ll do everything myself” kinda girl, so why bother?

    • Avatar
      Reply Maya February 25, 2014 at 12:34 pm

      Hahaha, Kramer, you’re so right! We’re stubborn, want to do things ourselves and love to see the fruits of our labour. Most guys, like yourself, know this. You know that it’s fruitless to try to take over, you can only wait to see if we get in over our heads – then we may ask for assistance.

      But I should add, to all those out there wondering: we’re not insusceptible to chivalry and a guy asking if he can help is always appreciated. Even if we say no 🙂

  • Avatar
    Reply Steen February 23, 2014 at 7:43 pm

    You miss out one thing here: Any woman (foreign or Danish) can just go out to pick a man. Maybe not her dream man but there is so many available, so it is so easy to pick one. And it can be done anywhere.

  • Avatar
    Reply Gert February 24, 2014 at 12:19 pm

    I think a lot of Danish women, actually since the feminist “revolution” has taken the male-role away from us men, in our Danish society.
    Women back then had to stand up for themselves and their cause, and the genders are now quite equal. But some narrow minded Danish women still feel that they haven’t been liberated from their roles as helpless housewives. And I don’t think a lot of women and girls see it this way, like I do. They explain it as: “No I can carry my own load” “I can do this and that, I don’t need no man to help me” and so on. But inside these women, they still have a need for romance and a mans gentle sensual touch. But only when they crave it.
    And as a man, this is a pain in the ass. We have very helpful wives and girlfriends, but at the same time they have stolen part of our manhood, and the little things we can take pride in. Of course some women still want that rough and strong or well-tattooed guy. But women’s standards and expectations has risen and men have to adapt to their ways, to be loved
    because women and feminists throughout the last few decades won the “fight” between the genders. And what you’re talking about is just the consequences of this victory in Denmark and our “SMALL” country, in which we are the best in world at anything and women can do everything! Until they’re “tired”.
    I’d rather want those girls to admit that they’ll get tired of sawing after 5 minutes, and let the man handle this job which has been his ever since the beginning of time.
    Danish women have become hard to love and extreme in their opinions towards masculinity, and to them I might seem as an extremist as well.

  • Avatar
    Reply Gert February 24, 2014 at 12:40 pm

    In Denmark we do have a “gap” between men and women.
    But I don’t think that women acknowledge this, only the illuminated men and those who have been pushed around.

    We men need to be liberated again in Denmark. Actually all of Scandinavia, just take a look at the Swedish. It’s the most feminist society in the whole world

    First then you’ll see Scandinavian masculinity shine through our Kingdom again, and not just experience Danish masculinity as RESPECT for/towards women.

    Where’s the respect for Us men, and the fact that I want to hold the door for my woman, pay her coffee, or run myself to death for her. It shouldn’t embarrass her, but make her feel important and loved. That’s a mans role by nature, to be the protector and the hunter, why try to change that by actually ridiculing some of the little things Men have done for decades, as things “anyone can do”. Just back off woman, I’m not the one stealing part of your genders DNA!

    • Avatar
      Reply Kristina October 8, 2014 at 9:14 pm

      Gert* I am a foreigner but living in Denmark more than 5 years and quite impressed to hear that from a Danish man (I assume) but to tell the truth it always seemed to me that there are many Danish man who were actually missing a lot that “good old masculitnity times” just not saying about it out loud. Maybe scared, maybe shy, maybe hopeless…. I belive Feminism has done it thing to the Danish culture…after all you were all Vikings before ….but yes the war to feminism was lost and who knows what the future will bring. But yet again, there is a hope for everybody to find her or his true love. One of the biggest things I agree with smb on this chat said is that men s behaviour changes/adapts accroding to the women s one…so there more love, care, respect and compassion a woman will give for to her (of even any stranger) man for opening a door for her or helping out with her bags the more men will start becoming a chevalier again 🙂

      And Yes, Great and Interesting Blog!

    • Avatar
      Reply Mabel October 16, 2014 at 9:15 am

      I hope you find that woman who allows you all of that and more. May you live to be redeemed as a man in yours and her sight. May your children see you as a whole man and your name live on forever in your generations as a great man.

    • Avatar
      Reply Helen April 15, 2015 at 7:41 pm

      Gert, you’re the first Danish guy that can express yourself and sound decent. How I’d love to date you!

    • Avatar
      Reply Nicole Lamond January 12, 2018 at 5:47 am

      Well said Gert. I love the differences between men and women. As a woman, it’s lovely to embrace your feminine side and being with a masculine man (who has good manners and is respectful) makes that fully possible. We need each other 🙂

  • Avatar
    Reply Jens March 17, 2014 at 12:37 pm

    Hi, First of all, Im a Danish man, and I hold the door for my woman, i do buy her flowers, and she does cook and clean the house, as with many of my friends we all open doors for our women, car door, house door, ec. And when it comes to shopping just go to IKEA and you will see all the danish husbands dragging big bags while there woman holds her purse or a little chocolate treat. I have read abit on your site, and do believe you are quite wrong on your observations of the danes, rude to strangers??? where did that come from, and danes dont get up from a train seat for pregnant women??? you mad?
    I am shure to say we live in 2 totally different Denmarks, some day you should come visit the denmark i live in, and you will se a kind and helpfull people that go out of there way to help others,…and last but not least danish males work very hard and many over double that of the american male, women love a hard working man, even in denmark! everybody should read your “knowlege” with a grain of salt, best from a tall blonde blueeyed dane!

  • Avatar
    Reply max March 20, 2014 at 11:13 am

    @jens: Where you drunk when you wrote your post or did I mistake that you invited this strange to met you and “see the DK that you live in?” And perhaps you should replace rude with just “xenophobic”, perhaps that will clear up your misunderstanding. Oh the sun is shining time to smile :).

  • Avatar
    Reply Name* March 20, 2014 at 11:54 am

    Maybe she was the one sawing on the tree because she was the one that wanted to bring part of it home. It doesn’t take two people to saw..

    I am an American in Denmark, but I don’t exactly relate to your perspective since I did grow up in a northern ranching community where women were taught how to properly do things themselves and not to be completely helpless.

  • Avatar
    Reply Char August 10, 2014 at 4:32 am

    So, I want your advice guys, I’ve a crush on a Danish guy, I’m Mexican, but we’re at USA, and he doesn’t seem to be shy, I know he’s from Copenhagen, but that’s all I know about him.

    The thing is we don’t know each other, I’ve only seen him at some events, probably the next one will be in 2 months, and the next one after that in another 2 months, so I feel like I need to approach him, but I don’t want to scare him by being too direct. What do you think if the next time I see him I try to ask him for a walk or a drink?

    I also want to know about the weight or the degree, I’m an engineer and I’ve got a fit body, I’m not a super skinny girl whole bones neither fat, I do like to exercise myself. Does any of that matter to Danish guys? For example, Mexican guys are afraid of woman that seems to be more successful than them. (I think that’s ridiculous, so I’m expecting Danish guys to not be like that)

    Being honest, do you think there’s a chance he would like me?

    Have a nice day, guys!

    • Avatar
      Reply Kay Xander Mellish August 10, 2014 at 7:58 am

      Certainly there’s a chance he would like you! Many Danish guys are into Latin girls, and if you are attending an event together, it suggests you have an interest in common.

      My suggestion is this: use a little bit of cybers-stalking (publicly available sources only, of course :=) to figure out an area in which he has deep knowledge. Possibly an engineering field, possibly a sport he does well – whatever, as long as it’s a topic that deeply interests him. Then come up with a fairly complex question that ‘only he could answer.’

      Example: “Hi, I’m Char. I read your excellent paper on the Principles of Corrosion Engineering, but there’s something I can’t figure out in a project I’m working on right now, and I’d like your advice. Do you have a quick five minutes to help me?” Or “I heard you helped organize this jogging club, and it’s seems like it’s really popular. I’ve been thinking of organizing a club in my neighborhood too – what’s the process?”

      That will appeal to his ego, get the two of you talking about his project, and then your project, and you can see if you have any chemistry.

      Once the five minutes is up, get his number in case you ‘have any more questions’, call a couple of days later with another good and complicated question on the same topic, then suggest having a beer to discuss further. I think you can take it from there!

    • Avatar
      Reply Morten September 30, 2014 at 10:03 pm

      Definitely looks at Kay’s ideas, but as a Danish fella, I’d suggest that you also simply point out that you remember him from previous events.
      Sometimes, it’s the small things that count. 🙂

      And I don’t think Danish men would generally be scared away by an intelligent woman with a good physique. We are all about equality, but deep down we do know what we like.
      In any case, assuming that he recalls you from previous events as well, you most likely already have a foot in the door, so to speak.

      In the end, whether or not he will like you is down to your personality more than anything else. And his of course.
      You can’t really know what he’ll like in advance, so generally being friendly is all I can really say. If you know that you have similar interests, then definitely try to work with Kay’s advice.

  • Avatar
    Reply DCDK October 1, 2014 at 12:39 am

    The problem for danish men, is that feminism evicted The Gentleman, and left a gutless passive shell, with no style, no charms, no wits, and no balls.

    And to say that this is what danish women desire, couldn’t be further from the truth. Because “Where did all the real men go?” is echoing throughout the nation, and is constantly renewed.

    I have yet to meet at woman who, if not swept away – at least appreciates a gentlemans effort.
    But the key is staying in control of it, and not going overboard.
    Because the second you lose control to a danish (or any western) woman, she ‘will’ turn you into a puppy, rolling over at command, only to eventually see nothing more than a pushover.
    And then the echo is renewed “Where did all the real men go?”

    Most danish men don’t realize this happening to them, and as a result, you get these passive clueless chums.
    Menwhile, The Gentlemen didn’t just evaporate, because they respect themselves enough to recognize when they’re just being taken advantage of.
    They simply went to find the classy women who deserve and appreciate their efforts, without abusing it.
    And they usually find them outside Western Europe and the USA.
    (This doesn’t fly well with the hardcore feminists. According to them, women acting like women are oppressed, with no exceptions.)

    And the funny is, that the feminism that caused this, is in fact very very little feminine.
    Danish women are screaming for ‘real men’, conviently forgetting that a ‘real man’ probably wants a ‘real woman’.
    (Just to continue in those rediculous terms.)

    Now I’m not saying women shouldn’t saw their own logs, if that’s what they want to do.
    Neither am I saying the men should flock around the women, pushing them aside to do the sawing.

    All I’m saying is at least act your respective parts.
    A Gentleman offers, and if turned down, he insists.
    And if he is still turned down, he respects it.

    And Ladies, let the men offer, let the men insist.
    And sometimes accept the offer, and show appropriate gratitude, even if it’s just for show.
    But whatever you do, do not demand.
    ‘Real women’ don’t subject to demands – well guess what….neither does a ‘Real man’.

    So if you want to date danish men, you’re actually facing quite a challenge. Because The Gentleman is dorment, toothless, and close to none existant.
    And as a woman you’re required to act you part, if you want to bring that back.
    Let him take control, let him be a man, but don’t take advantage of him or abuse it (goes both ways naturally).
    And even then, you may need to show a little more initiative than usual to get them started.
    Danish men love a woman with initiative, and no, looking pretty and batting your eyes doesn’t always cut it.
    Sometimes you have to make the first move, because in general, danish men are scorned into a passive state of submission.

    Should you happen to encounter one of the gentlemen that chose to stick around for some unknown reason, well it just makes it a lot easier, because he knows what part to play.
    Just play along.

    I guess what I’m trying to say, is Ladies, don’t expect more than you’re prepared to deliver yourself.
    (And this is where it usually breaks for western women.)

    And Gentlemen, don’t deliver more than nessecary – stay in control, no matter how eager you are to please.
    Limits, gents…you want her asking for more, not demanding it.
    (This is where it usually breaks for western men.)

    And for God’s sake, dress stylish!
    Sure, you may look good in jeans and a sloppy t-shirt, but you’ll be a knockout in a suit, or a nice dress.
    Sure, suits and dresses are not always convenient for certain tasks, but outside of work, and outside of the house it just makes you look dapper.

    And mind your language!
    Swearing just isn’t charming or attractive.
    In general, always show respect.

  • Avatar
    Reply Amanda October 16, 2014 at 12:57 am

    Hi Kay and everybody!
    I really need your advice. I am an Asian girl and I have been dating a Danish guy for about 5 month now. He is sweet, polite, kind, soft spoken and very handsome. I really like him, but I feel like he is just not that into me. Even few times, he told me that I must like him more than he does like me; we are not on the same page. Plus he never introduced me to his friends nor labeled our relationship. And whenever we go out, he checks almost every girl out…. It became pretty clear to me that he is not that into me, so I broke up with him several weeks ago. Now, the confusing part comes…. He called me the next day crying and told me that breaking up was a mistake, he likes me and he doesn’t want to lose me. I really like this guy but I am very confused right now… I thought he is not into me? How do I know? Does he really want me back? Or it is just his man ego talking?
    Help please!
    Thank you,

    • Avatar
      Reply Kay Xander Mellish October 16, 2014 at 5:49 am

      Hi Amanda! Of course he’s sad – he just lost a beautiful girl who’s really into him! If I were you, I’d tell him I would give him a second chance only if I get the full-time position of girlfriend. That means meeting his friends and family and being introduced as the lady in his life. And when you go out together, he’s going to have to control his eyeballs, focusing them only on you. If he can’t manage those two basic requests, then he’s looking for a part-time companion when he feels like it, which does not seem like the type of position you are seeking. And definitely do not let him call you up for a quick bit of companionship after a night of drinking! If he really wants you back, he’ll should be ready to work on the kind of relationship you are looking for. Otherwise, this guy is Mr. Wrong.

      • Avatar
        Reply Amanda October 16, 2014 at 7:32 pm

        Thank you Kay so much for a great advise. We haven’t spoken few weeks now since the day he called and asked me back.

        I think I would like to give him another chance. For that, do i need to reach out and tell him that? (since he was never good at taking the initiatives….) Or just wait till he mans up and calls me first? :-/

        Thank you again!
        Confused, Amanda

  • Avatar
    Reply Jenny October 17, 2014 at 11:40 am

    I met a lovely handsome Danish a few weeks ago.
    We have been dating since then (meeting once a week) and taking it easy.

    We are clearly into each other and end up having a great time and end it with ‘see you soon’ next.

    I do find that he doesn’t ‘take a stand’ to plan something for us to do.
    Once, I texted him to surprise me regarding our next meeting and he brought it up (when we met) saying that I should’ve just told him to make a decision; as surprising me was quite a big deal and set the expectation to be rather high.

    Is is the fact that they do not like romantic gestures? or do we just ‘take it as it comes’ till they finally do something a little more than planning a generic dinner?

    Any thoughts?

    Foreign girl dating a danish man.

  • Avatar
    Reply Jenny October 17, 2014 at 2:23 pm

    I met a lovely handsome Dane a few weeks ago.
    We have been dating since then (meeting once a week) and taking it easy.

    We are clearly into each other and end up having a great time and end it with ‘see you soon’ next.

    I do find that he doesn’t ‘take a stand’ to plan something for us to do.
    Once, I texted him to surprise me regarding our next meeting and he brought it up (when we met) saying that I should’ve just told him to make a decision; as surprising me was quite a big deal and set the expectation to be rather high.

    Is is the fact that they do not like romantic gestures? or do we just ‘take it as it comes’ till they finally do something a little more than planning a generic dinner?

    Any thoughts?

    Foreign girl dating a danish man.

    • Avatar
      Reply Nielsen November 26, 2014 at 7:29 am

      Hi Jenny. We hate guessing games. Just tell us what you want, if you want something special to happen, or accept what we come up with. We do in fact not like so called romantic gestures. We see it is fake, a pseudo reality. A hollywood creation that has no place outside of chick flicks.

      Why do you expect him to come up with ways to entertain you? Where is your part in this?


  • Avatar
    Reply Tony N November 7, 2014 at 5:49 am

    I am a Mulatto Jamaican Christian male and was wondering how long would it realistically take to find a mate there in Denmark? Planning to go about December.

    • Avatar
      Reply Kay Xander Mellish November 7, 2014 at 8:34 am

      Hi Tony. I have to say – I have no idea. It all depends on who you meet and what the chemistry is. To be honest, being a committed Christian is probably more of a hindrance than being nonwhite. Danes are generally not very religious people, although of course there are exceptions.

  • Avatar
    Reply Scottishchick November 14, 2014 at 1:33 pm

    How you describe Danish men is so truthful. I’m Scottish and dated a Dane for over two years however we are no longer together. I am used to living in a culture where men do men’s things and women do women’s things.. I would never think of painting my home or sawing a tree !! Thats guy’s work!! If I don’t have a man to do it I hire one, simples. I prefer dating a guy who will make a move and show you he is interested by pestering me… If those wolf whistles stopped ughh I would feel undesirable..I find the silence when travelling in Denmark unbearable because in Scotland people chat to each to strangers say hello, how are you. I just missed the “coorieness” in the end and headed back to the Highlands.. Oh !! Coorie is similar to Hygge but Scottish 🙂

  • Avatar
    Reply Anne November 23, 2014 at 3:24 pm

    You really are spot on with this. I’m an American and use to very aggressive men, so when I began dating a Dane – it took a lot of guesswork and confidence on my part! However, I found him incredibly refreshing and a fell in love rather easily. Among those traits that helped me swoon were Honesty, loyalty, deeply caring…and yes, Passive. You do have to be more aggressive and confident enough to put yourself out there, but it has been reciprocated ten fold. Just be patient. They are worth the wait 🙂

  • Avatar
    Reply Nielsen November 26, 2014 at 7:23 am

    None of you forreign girls are going to have a lot of problems talking up a danish guy. A lot of us are sick and tired of the all embracing feminist mother society and the women it produces and have started to import, or find girls locally who has been raised in sub cultures that has not gone completely haywire like our own.

    However for us the rules of engagement have changed. You wanted equality, and we will give you that. But then don’t expect us to pay for your dinner, or hold a door except out of friendly kindness and youre going to have to pull out your own chair etc.
    In other words, hollywood romance is off the table. We are practical beings and putting on a big song and dance looks ridiculous to us.

    I found a woman from nothern Africa and we have been happily married for 8 years now. I do my things, she do hers, and then we meet in the middle to talk about our experiences and have incredible sex and eat great world foods, with a vacation every now and then to somewhere nice where we enjoy each other full time. On rare occations we share the sofa and cuddle and watch whatever film I want to see, but usually I read or surf online and she watches TV in the evenings.

  • Avatar
    Reply Alice from Ireland December 19, 2014 at 5:26 pm

    Thank you so much for the blog. Most informative and much appreciated!
    I am just back from a December sunshine holiday in Spain. I met the usual Irish, English and Spanish men….but the man who stood out a MILE, head and shoulders above…is Sten from Denmark.
    I had lunch with a local who only wanted to talk about himself…and how happy he would make me…lol…next! Next I had dinner with an Irish bar owner who was an excellent conversationalist but was demanding, selfish and only wanted sex…which he didn’t get! Both were attractive men, in looks only…and not for me.
    Sten, this Danish darling, though he discovered it was my last night on holiday, did not drop me like the proverbial hot potato. Rather he insisted on fitting in even more on the quiet Sunday night. Our conversation, though language challenged, was fun. We both made effort and we both made each other laugh.
    We had sex. He was great. But I being inexperienced and it being our first time, did not give good account of myself. And he seemed SOOOOOO experienced lol…Would my being reserved be a turn off for a Danish man? Or how likely is a second chance?
    At the beginning of our date, he said I should visit Copenhagen. Told me what he would like to show me, a boat trip we might make. But he said he was unlikely to come to Ireland. He doesn’t travel often. Midway through our date, he said he WOULD come to Ireland….after I visit Copenhagen. I suggested for St. Patrick’s Day. He gave me his phone number and said I should phone him when I come to Copenhagen.
    Sten is not on facebook. If I send him some texts in Danish in the meantime (thanks to an online course) will he consider this overkill? Should i just take the invitation as a given. He asked, I should go. Or should I be polite and check in with him in about four to six weeks time, when I plan to go and ask if he still wants to meet me? The Irish way would be the latter. To not accept the invitation as invitation but rather as some pleasantry spoken in the moment…and being Irish, he would need to ask me again…so I would know he means it, I am not inconveniencing him and he has not changed his mind…or status…he is single!
    Any advice you might give would be greatly appreciated!

  • Avatar
    Reply Roberto January 20, 2015 at 8:42 am

    Its not quite true that father of four is the longest running series where they just replace the actors. It started out as 8 films made from 1953-1961. These are the original ones loosely based on a newspaper-cartoon that run from 1948-1955. In 1971, 10 years after the last film, they tried to make a movie with a different cast to bring the series back t life but it totally flopped. Still to this day it is not considered a “real” part of the originals.

    34 years later in 2005 (and 44 years after the last original movie) they started a completely different modern version only loosely based on the old films. These so far 8 new movies stand apart from the old ones. Its like a “reboot” not sequels or remakes.

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    Reply Maria March 10, 2015 at 2:49 pm

    Im a latin girl who is about to marry a danish guy. We are both in our mid twenties and decided to just go with it and tie the knot.

    I can say my boyfriend is the prefect gentleman, now. Not at all at the beginning. When we first met there were so many cultural barriers that led to very funny moments that brought us even closer.
    But of course I love my boyfriend so anything I say about him is probably completely biased. So Im gonna talk about some other danish boys that Ive met.

    As a tanned black hair girl I get a lot of attention in Copenhagen, sometimes its quick glances and sometimes its very long stares that can even cause me to feel uncomfortable. Normally it doesnt transcend from there on normal week days. But wait to a friday, saturday night after a few drinks when everyones inhibitions are low and morals are questionable to see the real side of danes. Girls tend to act like they dont need a man to be happy and present themselves as strong independent women, until theyre drunk and single. Then they become loud and obnoxious doing the most ridiculous things to get some hot guy at the corner of the bar attention. And the guys become “real man guys” who try to be tough to impress girls. Because at the end of the day it seems like in the young danish culture its almost shameful to no be getting laid enough.

    In Copenhagen its very common for guys to offer to pay for my drinks or my food. Which I find super funny because I have my best girlfriend sitting next to me (she is danish) paying for her own stuff. So what makes the difference? I think what makes the difference is the girl and how the boy perceives her. When danes see me, immediately they see latin and that makes them think of what are latin girls used to. So they think Id be easier to get close to me by opening doors and paying for my stuff. When they see a danish girl they see someone who would like to be taken care of but is too embarrassed to admit it because it might seem uncool.

    At the end of the day, most girls want boys that are sweet and romantic. And danish guys can be like this, is all about opening up and letting them know what you really want and how you expected to be treated.

    My boyfriend opens doors for me, he cooks and pays for some of my stuff. I in return do stuff for him too, because both girls and boys like to come home to someone who will take care of you.

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    Reply Michelle Cho June 14, 2015 at 11:22 am

    I’ve started seeing a Danish guy, and he is romantic unlike the article. However, it is very helpful to understand his culture in general. I enjoyed reading it. Thank you.

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    Reply Colombiana September 11, 2015 at 5:20 am

    Damn my Dane is broken haha, my husband is the opposite of this man you describe, he is extremely sweet and chivalrous, pulls out my chair, opens the door for me, has the best sense of humour, brings me flowers yet he cleans and cooks heavenly, got the best of both worlds ❤

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    Reply Ivy September 24, 2015 at 4:41 am

    Hi everyone. I know a Danish guy online. We can talk very happily. But he is very tall, 190cm and i am very samll, only 152cm. He said he doesn’t care about my shortness. I am going to go to Denmark to see him next year. But I am not sure if he can accept my shortness. Please, could anyone let me if i will scare him away by my smallness? Thanks!

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    Reply Essie January 28, 2016 at 7:08 am

    I am a filipina dating a danish guy I have met online. He went to my place to visit me and things got a bit better. We communicate everyday thru viber or sometimes thru Skype if we are both available. One thing I have observed and I find it very challenging for me is that he is a bit as hard as rock. If we have petty fights, he would never initiate to communicate back and that makes me feel like I am unwanted but of course I always pursue him.

    He is nice and very respectful, maybe that’s the only thing I find it hard to survive the relationship. I think he is too perfectionist and I am just one messy filipina enjoying life. I do hope we will last.

    • Avatar
      Reply Paula June 13, 2017 at 2:32 am

      Hello. I know this is a way way back forum about dating or knowing a Danish guy.
      I can relate with you because I am also a Filipina who just started having a relation with a Danish guy online.

      We haven’t met in person since our online relation just started and for about 2 weeks now. I find him nice and really respectful. Funny as well. Too hard for me to handle at the moment because it is a long distance relationship. However, I have to know if he is really into me. He said he likes me but it is my first time to have this kind of relation. Any advice you can give me? Thanks!

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    Reply Jennifer August 15, 2016 at 4:06 pm

    I think it’s a bit unfair to just assume that the guy was just being a dick, when the girl maybe was just very stubborn and wanted to help out. I do that all the time with my boyfriend and I don’t want people to look at us in that way just because I have battles I need to fight on my own.

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    Reply Andrea December 1, 2016 at 3:25 pm

    Thank you for this excellent article Kay. You are spot on, in many ways.
    I have a huge crush on a Danish guy, we’ve been friends for a few years now. He is what you describe: shy to the core, very passive and doesn’t make the first move. On occasion his behavior has led me to believe that he wants to be more than friends, but nothing is ever clear and nothing has been declared on either side (I am very shy as well); therefore his feelings for me are unknown. Unfortunately he lives in Denmark and I live in Spain, so I don’t get to see him as much as I would want to.
    As I’ve gotten to know him better he has let his true self come out and it has truly impressed me. He’s very smart, respectful, kind, treats me so good, always pours my drink or makes sure I have something to drink (not get me drunk haha). He has on occasion paid for dinner when we go out. He has confessed that in his culture men are not used to treating women like that, but in spite of this, he is a gentleman and knows how to treat a lady.
    My point is that men know how to be men, women just have to let them. With my Danish friend I’ve seen that his instinct is to protect me, make sure I am happy and comfortable, why not let men do this for us? It’s so nice as a woman (and as a person) to be taken care of in this manner. From what I’ve seen Danish men are scared of the woman’s reaction when they do a chivalrous thing, and therefore they stop doing it.

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    Reply Palle Rasmussen January 26, 2017 at 7:10 am

    There are still gentlemen Viking warriors left in Denmark. And I can assure you it is scitzophrenic 😉 Many women and girls appreciate it, and some definately do not; some get confused too. But, not all of us have lost our spines.

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    Reply Martin January 22, 2018 at 8:24 pm

    Danish men are Vikings. We are fearless, but thoughtful. We’re aggressive, but lenient. We’re hateful, but loving. All at the same time! It’s in the blood
    And we were beat by fucking feminism!

    I love the North, but my people are a shadow of its former self!

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    Reply A guy June 26, 2018 at 8:36 am

    Danish men are just too shy and afraid of being embarrased when sober — and excessive when drunk; danish women are not at all liberated feminists, maybe their mothers were but now, nope; for one thing I’ve twice seem them faint over how sexy soldiers are. They just dont talk much at first, otherwise they are the same as most other westerners; both sexes are maybe a bit less elegant and more naive, stupid, selfish & spoiled at first — however it doesn’t stick very deep and once pushed a bit they are dynamit; so be careful.

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    Reply Burney March 16, 2019 at 7:53 pm

    Didn’t think Danish men were into black women until I got there….all I can say is…omg. Danish men are lovely, sexy and drop dead gorgeous…..respectable but also charming. Can’t wait to go back xx

    Bring on the Danes … wooohooo

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    Reply B. Madsen July 17, 2020 at 2:55 pm

    After living in the country for some years as a Brazilian woman, all I can say is, balance!
    I think latin people are naturally expressive and open, but also very intense, romantic and needy when it comes to a relationship. I had many struggle moments where I expected more “action” from my partner, but with time, I had to be honest and tell him how it feels for me. I love to hear how special I am, I love to be noticed, told I’m loved, gentleman gestures are really nice, as well as “feminine” gestures. I think both sides always want “a little bit more”, we don’t alway need to be the strongest, the independent, we can be a bit fragile and sensitive, cry in front of each other, hug and kiss with no reasons, make a special dinner with candlelights.
    Maybe I’m suspicious because I’m naturally a romantic soul, but I really think a relationship only gets better when both are able to express themselves and get more intimate and even do some crazy stuff with each other.
    I don’t really like how the dating culture is in Denmark, but I respect it. Once you fall in love with a dane, you have to figure it out together how to make it work. Sometimes is not easy, we all have limits and struggles, cultural differences, but if we are open to change and learn, it can only get better!

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