Dating, Podcasts

Dating in Denmark, Part 2: Dating Danish men; a guide for the foreign woman


If you are a romance novelist, the Danish man is not your dream man. He will not write poetry and pursue his beloved to the ends of the Earth. He won’t send flowers, he won’t buy chocolates. He won’t even hold the door open for you to walk through.

That said, if you’re a feminist, a Danish man IS your dream man. He will cook and help with the housework, and spend time with the kids. He’ll respect your opinion, and he won’t force himself on you. In fact, you may have to force yourself on him. But if you do, he’ll usually be really grateful.

Chivalry doesn’t pay
Why are Danish men like this? I’ve asked my Danish male friends, and they say they’re reacting to Danish women. Danish women, they say, like to do things for themselves. They don’t want some clown opening the door for them, or helping them carry packages. They can carry their own packages.

My Danish male friends say that after offering to be chivalrous a couple of times and getting turned down in a nasty manner, they don’t want to do that any more.

So, the Danish male approach is largely passive. They wait to see if the woman is interested. I get a lot of mail from non-Danish women trying to figure out if the Danish man they’re dating is interested in them. He’s really happy when I call him, but he never calls me.

Don’t expect whistles
I honestly don’t know what to tell them. I mean, I come from a culture where men whistle at beautiful women they don’t know walking down the street. When I first moved to Denmark, I thought I’d stopped hearing whistles because I’d aged out of the whistle target group.

But I’ve since established that beautiful young women don’t get whistled at either. Danish men do not want to offend women.

Hear all our How to Live in Denmark podcasts on Spotify and on Apple Podcasts (iTunes).


Get the How to Work in Denmark Book for more tips on finding a job in Denmark, succeeding at work, and understanding your Danish boss. It can be ordered via Amazon or Saxo.com or from any bookstore using the ISBN 978-743-000-80-8. Contact Kay to ask about bulk purchases, or visit our books site to find out how to get the eBook. You can also book a How to Work in Denmark event with Kay for your school, company, or professional organization.






Want to read more? Try the How to Live in Denmark book, available in paperback or eBook editions, and in English, Chinese, and Arabic. If you represent a company or organization, you can also book Kay Xander Mellish to stage a How to Live in Denmark event tailored for you, including the popular How to Live in Denmark Game Show. Kay stages occasional free public events too. Follow our How to Live in Denmark Facebook page to keep informed.

Image mashup copyright Kay Xander Mellish 2021

Previous Post Next Post

You Might Also Like


  • Avatar
    Reply Suzy February 18, 2014 at 2:41 am

    There’s a difference between being submissive and being just plain lazy. Or rude.

    I’ve had many male Danish acquaintances who would talk up a storm about different types of women and how they would like to f**k them. And also specs about how big their breasts need to be or etc… in front of the girls in our group, many of whom they were having a relationship with. That’s just tactless. The rest of the time, they don’t do anything, or make any decisions. The girls use the maps when we’re lost. The boys just follow, hands in pockets. Granted, we’re talking about 20-25 year-olds here, hence the maturity level may still be inadequate. But still, this is all just quite disappointing.

  • Avatar
    Reply Yara January 31, 2016 at 11:40 pm

    How do [email protected] come across to danish people?

    I met a few fellow Latinos who seem to have a great with the ladies and the danish women told me they love Southern people in CPH but i didn’t get to meet Latinas.
    Seems like Danish men aren’t that open for other cultures unlike the females… I might be wrong, just how it came across.

    Men liked to stare at me but of course without approach (After reading your posts it makes sense. I am a stranger after all.).

  • Avatar
    Reply Steffen Frederiksen September 8, 2019 at 2:17 am

    Sorry to spoil your text; I guess you are only at the Sjælland side of Denmark? Let me tell you. What is normal in Copenhagen isent normal for the rest of Denmark. Copenhagen is the place for the arrogant and “I am better than you” people, if you go to any city in Jutland (Jylland) it is one hell of a difference. And I as a Danish would have no problem by open a door for a female, Danish men do buy flowers, but you have to “deserve” it, if you know what I mean, chocolate I will not buy, because the Danish men are used to Danish females going “don’t you think I’m fat enough already”, så candy of any kinds isent the biggest thing to buy a female in denmark. And when dating in Denmark the man usually pays the bills without splitting, even if the woman is obviously not interested. But I as a Danish would have no problem in dating a foreign woman. But you got some right but also some wrong.

  • Leave a Reply

    This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.